Thinking about whether couples therapy might be helpful for your relationship? Seeking couples counseling is becoming increasingly common; research demonstrates that couples therapy can resolve negative patterns, improve communication, deepen intimacy, increase understanding, and provide the tools to navigate future issues.
Here are some common reasons that people seek to begin couples therapy:
Recurrent arguments that escalate and go unresolved
Concerns related to intimacy and emotional connection
Infidelity or betrayal of trust
Major disagreements, such as how to parent, where to live, how to divide household labor
Sexual issues
Navigating life transitions, such as changing jobs or becoming parents
Wanting to assess compatibility before moving forward in the relationship
Pre-marital counseling and a desire to set the relationship up for success through building a strong foundation
Cultural or religious differences
Loss and grief
Addiction or substance use issues
Role changes within the relationship and how to adjust
Planning for the future, like taking next steps in the relationship and clarifying commitment and expectations
Separation or divorce, and whether to stay together or separate
Mental health issues for one or both partners
Financial issues
Navigating relationships with in-laws and family
Desire to explore different relationship dynamics, such as ethical non-monogamy
Increasingly, people are beginning to reach out for couples therapy as a preventative measure, sometimes alongside milestones in the relationship, such as moving in together, engagement, marriage, or becoming parents. Others seek couples therapy because they feel as though they have tried everything they could, and they feel as though they could use the insight and tools from a professional.
While couples therapy treatment is tailored specifically to the couple, here are some things you can expect from couples therapy:
A thorough assessment of your relationship to understand your dynamic, strengths, and areas for development
Goal-setting for therapy, so that each partner’s needs are being met in the relationship
A safe, nonjudgmental, and impartial environment; the therapist's focus is on the relationship, not on blaming either individual
Skills and tools for conflict resolution, enhanced intimacy, identifying and communicating needs and desires, validation and active listening, compromise, problem-solving
Exploration of relationship patterns, where they originated, and how they are impacting the relationship now
How to have difficult conversations in a way that enhances vulnerability and closeness
Strengthening the foundation of the relationship so that it is more resilient in times of stress
There are several different modalities for couples therapy, including psychodynamic therapy, Gottman Method, and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT). Research shows that couples therapy with a therapist who does not have specialized training can actually be harmful; it is important to see a therapist who has been trained to serve couples.
While some couples seek counseling because they are interested in enhancing their strengths and preventing their relationship from getting to an unhealthy place, others seek couples therapy because they are considering ending the relationship. Couples therapy is meant to be short-term, goal-oriented, and provide you with the tools to navigate difficulties on your own.
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